just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
