I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
