hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
