I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
