he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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