What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
