I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
