I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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