I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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