you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
