Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
