woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
