Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
