He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
