So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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