apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
