mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
