Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
