I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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