im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
