she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need moral support for this bender
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
