when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
