you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
