Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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