pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
