he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
