Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
