Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
