my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
