I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
FUCK WHALES
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize