After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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