Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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