he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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