The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
