Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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