How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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