Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
