she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
