He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize