I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
