Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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