I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize