We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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