I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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