If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
