Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
