they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
