my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
