I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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