fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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