yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
