i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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