Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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