All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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