it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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