we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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