That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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