It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.