As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so that wasnt chicken after all
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.